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| I see Duke's not a fan, either. |
By now you've probably heard plenty about DNF, but I've got
to say, while this is a really tough game to review for so many reasons, you
may still find what I've got to say here helpful.
Its been years since I last played a Duke game, namely, one
for the 64, back when I was just a kid. I was too young to understand much
about gaming back then, but I realize the series had its appeal, and cult
following, and I remember enjoying it back then, except for those damn keycards.
Since then, the legend that is Duke evolved, more into a joke than anything,
with the decade of delays before DNF finally was released, and in a way I have
to question the sanity of anyone who would possibly want to develop a new
title in the series, knowing full well that it would be impossible to meet
expectations developed over so long. But I guess you've got to give them credit
for trying.
Unfortunately, that's almost all the credit I can give them.
The world of video games has changed quite a bit since the King last reigned
supreme, what with the dominance of consoles, and in particular the copy/paste
military shooters that generate billions of dollars at each release, this isn't
Duke's world anymore.
Okay, that's quite enough time spent questioning the relevancy
of a series in the modern world. Lets look at the actual game, shall we?
You're Duke Nukem, earth's savior the last time aliens
showed up. Well they're back again, but hey, this time they are flying a flag
of peace. That's totally legit, right? If you thought there was any truth to
that, you're definitely playing the wrong genre, because the only peace you'll
find in this shooter, are the various pieces of enemies left strewn about your
wake.
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| That pun would have worked better in a video review. |
So you set out to save everyone all over again, starting
with Las Vegas,
then onto the women, then to actually kill the alien emperor and stop the invasion, because a man's got to
have his priorities right. There are 23 levels in all, ranging from a throwback
level where you beat the boss of the last game, to Vegas, to an underground
alien hive, to romping around in your monster truck, to the Hoover dam. And since this is Duke, there is
a "break" level in the middle of the game, where you enjoy some quality
time at a strip club. Oh, wait - gentlemen's club.
There a few levels that do stick out for being a little bit
more annoying though. Some towards the end of the game are heavy into swimming,
which doesn't really work out too well in this game with such a short breath
timer, and the handful of times when you get stuck in a pipe, half way between
air leaks, swarmed by enemies. There is a good portion in the middle of the
game that is pretty vehicle-centric, but since you drive a monster truck, they
all consist of driving, running out of gas, killing a few handfuls of enemies
while searching for gas, finding gas, and making it to the next level, where
you do the same thing. The rest of the game is pretty "meh" - the
levels aren't anything special, but they don't particularly bug, though the
amount of time you spend running around as mini Duke does start to eat at the
nerves.
You're weapons aren't anything spectacular in this game
either. Standard stuff like a pistol, shotgun, and machine gun round out the
human weapons, while there are a couple of alien goodies too, but nothing that
screams "best new item in gaming history." The shrink-ray is one of
the more enjoyable, if just for the pure pleasure of stomping your miniaturized
enemies, or possibly the devastator, a double barreled rocket launcher that
comes in handy during boss fights, since bosses are only vulnerable to
explosive damage.
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| There would be a certain irony if there was gum on the bottom of those shoes. |
Those bosses, and there are about 9 of them, are pretty
redundant. Four of them are just progressively harder versions of the same
fight, where you have to deal X damage, followed by approaching the boss and
smashing prompted keys, then rinse and repeat until he is dead. There is
definitely a lack of variety and/or creativity here.
There are a few other game mechanics you'll want to
consider, particularly the way health is done in this game, and how weapons are
handled. Unfortunately, health in this game is determined by the size of your ego,
which is a shield mechanic, regenerating when you cower in a corner. Ego boosts
can be found throughout the levels, and slightly increase your health, so keep
an eye out for all the things you can interact with, such as signing that kid's
photo or winning a pool game. The game takes another cue from modern day games
by adding a limit to the number of weapons you can tote around - 2, though
there is now the option to up the limit to 4. Other special features include night
vision glasses, steroids that make your melee attacks extremely powerful, beer
that reduces the damage you take, or decoys because this new Duke isn't man
enough to wear the hits.
The best part of this game is the crude humor and potshots
at pop culture, though some are a bit dated. While the Olsen twins and
Christian Bale's rant have pretty much been done to death, comments like
"I hate valve puzzles" after solving a puzzle involving valves, or
jumping over several gears only to say "Duke one, gears nothin'"
brought a smile to my face, mostly in the same way that odd uncle does when he
starts dropping bad, albeit creative, puns at any family gathering. And while
that may be enough to carry some of my reviews, it just doesn't cut it in this
game.
I stated earlier that this game is a tough one to review,
and one reason why is its such a shame how far the king has fallen. I wanted
desperately to like this game, but its fallen victim to modernity. It feels
like the developers wanted Duke to fit in with the modern warfare and halo type
shooters club, but that's not where Duke belongs. Cowering in a corner to regen
health is not where Duke belongs. Using a decoy to avoid damage is not where
duke belongs. Carrying only two weapons rather than every single piece of
weaponry you come across is not where duke belongs. No, Duke belongs atop a
pile of enemy bodies a mile high, firing a machine gun in each hand, smoking a
cigar, while telling us he's all out of gum. That's where Duke should be.
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| So...pretty much this. |
I wish that was the game we had gotten, but instead DNF is a
pretty mediocre game - it's not really bad, but it certainly isn't good either,
and I could never stand playing more than an hour or so in one sitting, and
that's when I'm trying to be objective and enjoy it for what it is. I picked it
up about 5 months after release for $10, and that was really too much, even if
it was 80% off the original price. Since then, I've seen it at $5 multiple
times, during a Steam holiday sale and even during a midweek madness sale, and
I wouldn't spend any more than that, though I will admit to having just picked
up the DLCs, so we'll see if they've made any improvements there. What you'll
get certainly isn't the greatest game to ever be made, but maybe if you find
yourself with some free time - in my case, 8 hours - you could give it a shot,
just don't try and play it all in one go, because no one can be that big of a
masochist, since this game is a below average 4 out of 10.
So, the final breakdown:
Score: 4/10
Suggested Price: $5
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